Feelings and Emotions

Feelings and Emotions

Feelings are signals. Emotions are energy evoked by internal or external triggers, and the act of emoting is how we move that energy (or not) through our bodies. For example, sadness is a feeling. It signifies a loss. The tightness in our chest, the tension around our eyes, the eventual welling of tears and the release as they fall from our eyes is emotion.

The idea of “controlling one’s emotions” intrigues me. Many would agree that suppressing one’s emotions, although necessary in unsafe environments, is ultimately unhelpful and limits one’s experience of being alive. However the complete opposite, uncontrollable emotional outbursts is also quite unhelpful. I think a better phrase, and more helpful concept, is “emotional regulation,” in the form of both self-regulation and co-regulation. The ability to let that emotional energy pass, or to actively and intentional move stagnant emotional energy through ourselves, whether independently or with others. That, as I am, is how I’ve come to understand emotional intelligence.

It occurred to me one occasion that I can’t make myself feel (or not feel) hot, or cold. How warm or cool I feel is a simple fact of the environment I’m in and how warmly clothed I am. It is a signal, automatically activated in response to the external environment. There is nothing morally right or wrong about it; it does not inherently signify anything “good” or “bad” about myself or the environment. It does inform me to act, to get a blanket, or shed a layer; to adjust the thermostat or to get up and go somewhere else entirely. I may feel differently from another person in the exact same environment and there is no “correct” internal feeling, felt experience, of temperature.

It occurred to me a moment later that the exact same observations I made about the felt experience of warmth and coolness apply to all feelings and emotions. There are no right or wrong ways to feel and in fact, we have absolutely no control over how we feel. Feelings are signals.

We do however, have some degree of control over our actions, our environment, and the environments we choose to put ourselves in. I acknowledge that there are a great number of injustices in the world that prevent individuals and communities from having sovereignty over their own selves and environments.

Feelings are an incredible source of information that we can act upon to live well. Feelings are our connection to the wisdom of felt experience, to the incredibly sensitive physiological systems our bodies have evolved, and then some. It does however take discernment to identify instinct from impulse.

Feelings can and do evoke strong emotions. Don’t be afraid to feel them.