Gratitude is Optional

Gratitude is Optional

Gratitude is a big word these days, with gratitude journals, and gratitude practices. It strikes me hearing the phrase “Of course I’m grateful,” especially once someone else has expressed their gratitude. It becomes something we perhaps feel ashamed of not feeling or expressing because then perhaps we are no longer deserving of the thing we have received. But we might not always feel grateful even when we think we should, and that’s okay.

First off, gratitude is a feeling. To me, the word “gratitude” means “feeling fortunate for having received something.” It differs from feelings of accomplishment for example, where something is earned or clearly deserved. Or it differs from transactional exchanges, where one thing is exchanged for another and there is no gifting and receiving. In each of these scenarios there is still room for gratitude for the opportunities that have come our way that allowed us for example, to put in our own efforts to accomplish something.

When someone gives a gift freely, there is no expectation of immediate reciprocity, including an expression of gratitude. We may feel moved by gratitude and choose to express that gratitude, which in itself becomes a gift to the giver. But by no means is that gratitude mandatory.

Sometimes, we fail to see the gifts that surround us as gifts. That is the point of a gratitude practice; to shift our perspective to see the things that we may take for granted; to give ourselves the chance to notice all the things around us that are freely given. Life itself is a gift. The life supporting rays of the sun, the life giving air and water, and the life supporting Earth. The warm energy of friends, and family, and strangers. Gratitude is a powerful antidote to today’s pervasive self-starting, self-sufficient views that induce so much self-criticism and self-loathing.

Gratitude is a feeling, and we can’t make ourselves feel a feeling. We can recognize how we feel, cultivate and express feelings, and shift our environment or perspective to be more conducive to a feeling. Looking for places where we can find gratitude is a good thing. But it takes practice, and if there’s no gratitude to be found, that’s okay.